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Transparently Terrified

The evening before I went back to work I found myself frantically bouncing my 12-week old infant and praying about the next day. I tried to cover every detail, from the safe commute of our nanny, to the health and mood of my children and husband. My requests seemed to go on and on. However the spirit seemed to nudge me, and as I began to recall my recent requests I could see that I was praying from a state of anxiety and fear, rather than trust and faith.

<ouch>

So, I changed my prayers and made a bold leap spiritually that really made me sad I hadn't made the shift sooner. I gave my infant to God. Now it wasn't a formal dedication with the pastors of our church present but it was no less effective. While I knew that this was the only way my mind could attain peace as a mother, learning from experience with my first child, I seemed to be suffering from spiritual amnesia. So I prayed, and thanked God for the beautiful soul of our second child, our son, and I gave him back to the lord. I asked God to take his personality, talents, abilities, passions... his everything, and use it as his discretion for His glory. I thanked God for the ability to carry and grow him, but asked for God to give us the wisdom, knowledge, discernment and compassion we needed to raise this child, not just until He turns 18, but for life.

Never before have I experienced such a freeing prayer, this form of letting go, gave me such security, such peace, and unmeasurable joy.

I asked for his caretakers to be hand selected, and for them to also receive knowledge, wisdom, discernment, understanding and compassion. I reminded myself that nothing is happening to myself or our children by choice, and that we are following the path laid before us, which was built by the same hands that formed the universe. As my twelve hour shift began I found my mind at peace, and my heart remained full. I knew that The Lord and His angels are much more capable of caring for and protecting my children than I am, and I had left them in His hands... not just for these twelve hours, but for eternity.


(insert sigh of relief)


I am sharing this with you in hopes to prompt you to search your heart. What troubles you? What racing thoughts keep you up at night? Maybe you are frantic, like I was, about finding adequate care for my children and support for my husband as I worked these long shifts at the hospital. Or maybe you are worried about how ends will meet financially, your job - or even lack there of... I don't know what is troubling you today, or even what the answer is - but I know someone who does. And I can speak from experience when I say that the Joy, Peace, reassurance and simple comfort that He can offer, is nothing to be compared with the offerings of this world. Like the old saints say "Take this whole world, and give me Jesus"... because that my friends, is the only thing that can truly give us peace.


Until next time,

Crystal




PS- are we friends on social media? Follow along for laughs and encouragement on instagram @ckomala and on facebook @ckomala.blog


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