What if the thing you are most scared of, is actually the thing you were created for?
This past weekend I did something that nearly felt illegal. I preached my first sermon as a "Featured Guest" at a Women's Conference and the only thing I could think to say when people asked how it went was - "I had a blast!"
Now, maybe it's just me but I don't really think of an exuberant time when I think of how someone feels to preach. But, you know what dawned on me? Or rather what the Lord revealed to me? I was totally in my element, doing exactly what I was created to do. I felt the most "at home", I laughed, cried, shouted, shook and even said "crap" behind the pulpit (I know, I know -- I've gotta work on that one...)
And here's the best part -- I have been running (actually maybe it's been more of a full out sprint) away from this calling for nearly 15 years. I know, that is a long time. And to be totally honest I don't even like to say that I "preached". Saying "speak" sounds much better in my ears, but I am working on embracing this calling rather than shunning it. So that brings me to you - what has God created you to do? I'd dare bet the mere thought of saying it out loud makes you want to run for the hills. My sweet Momma is a natural behind a podium, but she will tell you until she is blue in the face, that she totally despises public speaking. But do you know what I see when she speaks to God's kids behind a pulpit? I see joy, I see passion and I see love. It scares her socks off to know she has to do it, but the thrives in the moment. Same with me when it comes to preparing a message to speak. ....see? i still hate using the "p" word...
Could it be the same for you? What is that one thing God has dropped into your heart that makes you secretly hope it's true, but at the same time the mere thought of it makes you feel inadequate and unable?
Back in the day I felt this way about motherhood. There was a spot in my heart that wanted to be a mother, but just thinking about having to mold and shape a life made me want to strap on a chastity belt. But once I became a mother I realized that not only was I created to be a mother, but I was created to be HER mother. This happened again with Baby #2 ( my sweet momma's boy) and even as an RN. The mere thought of nursing school terrified me but once I became a working nurse I realized that caring for patients at the bedside was one of the most rewarding jobs I had ever encountered.
So, it seems I have realized a common thread in this journey called life - the things that have scared me the most have been the things most worth doing.
And you want to know what is neat? Each time I bite the bullet and say "yes" to something that feels scary, I have to rely on the Lord to see me through. And He always does. And you know what? It's kind of nice because it takes the pressure off of me - I already know that I can do nothing without him.